8 Ways I Die to Myself

Matt. 16:24-27

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.”

We are not often found in the place of choosing between life and death.

BUT, how often are we in the place of choosing our own comfort or someone else's good?  Over someone else's anything?

There are plenty of ways I need to die to myself for Jesus, to make him known.  But I am just going to focus here on how I am dying to myself for the sake of my family, first. Let me tell you how I need to take up my cross these days with school out for the summer.

     1. My Time

           As I write this, of course, I am on the computer.  My children are creating their own entertainment.  It is not good.  If they are quiet, they are purposefully trying to BE quiet so I will not hear what they are getting into.  If they are not quiet, they are fighting.

          *Dying to myself here means getting off the computer and setting the ball rolling for the kids, either doing something with them or guiding them to an appropriate routine.

     2.  My Plans

           My eldest child was just called to the carpet for pestering her siblings.  As has become routine for her, she admitted to no wrong-doing.  In our "discussion," a disrespectful attitude come forth.  She was grounded.  I hate grounding, because it leaves a miserable child here to sulk.  It is tortuous to those left in the house, and also means no trip to the pool.

          *Dying to myself here means putting aside what I want to do to teach a vital lesson in respect.  It also means making others in the house die to themselves too, which they likely do not want to do.

     3.  My Taste

           Now that school is out, there are three children to accompany me on errands.  Usually once or twice a week, these errands would include a stop at Starbucks.  While the littlest one could be appeased with a small serving of whipped cream from said stop, older ones would not be so easily gratified.  And  I am not a mom ready start a coffee habit for the older ones, even if we had the funds to do it.  Neither am I so mean to stop for a goody for myself and let them watch.  So, we will bypass Starbucks for a while.

         *Dying to myself could mean caffeine withdrawal.

     4. My Expenditures

          Out shopping, sure I could use a new pair of shorts.  But probably not as much as a very active little boy needs a pair of sneakers that does not expose his socks.  And when there is only $3 in my wallet, that means 3 children get ice cream after the ball game.  For any who know me, that is a HUGE sacrifice.

          *Dying to myself means giving up "things".  You might think that would be tough for someone as materially-oriented as myself.  But in reality, it feels good.

     5. My Leisure

          I run.  When there was just one child here, I was able to send her for a play date now and again to get running time in.  It is tougher to find homes for three children.  So running times must be altered. Alternately, taking one child to the library was once a quick affair.  With three, it takes a good deal more time, and not always in the section of the library I prefer to spend my time.

          *Dying to myself means living with new or lengthened times for certain activities.

     6. My Expectations

           Children at home means messes, plain and simple.  More stuff comes out, less stuff is put away.  And while I try to set the standard that anything taken out must be put away, it is not always put away neatly or exactly where it came from.   And more lunches eaten at home means more messes in the kitchen.  Again, clean up requires asking the kids to try the best they can, rewarded by a happy mom.  But scrubbing to Mama Standards is not a daily standard yet.

         *Dying to myself means the house might be a mess and I will have to accept that or wear myself out trying to keep up.

     7. My Thoughts

          The escapades of my fictional characters dominated my thoughts for decent periods of time during the school year.  They were interrupted periodically to address the needs of the child at home.  But as the saying goes, "One child is like having one child.  Two children is like having ten."  So what is it like with three?  A circus.  (And for those of you with any more than that, my hat is tipped to you.) There are now multiple thought patterns to follow, after each one starts with, "Hey, Mom."  Unaware that a sibling has just begun another conversation, these two trains just left the station in opposite directions.  I am left to stretch between the two.  (Sometimes three... or more!)  Also add in the new concerns of, "Is this appropriate TV for the child?" or "Has this child warranted the privilege for which she is asking?" or "Would it make sense allow all the children's friends play here together, or should we send some away?" The amount of time in my own world is negligible.  (I have been working on this blog post for a whole week now.)

        *Dying to self means shrinking my world a bit.

     8.  My Space

          My days used to find hours in my chair, my lap comforted with one or more kitties as I wrote.  The cats are a bit too afraid to come out now with all the ruckus.  However, my lap is not always empty when I do find myself in the chair.  One or more child may find her way into it for snuggles and kisses.

          *Okay.  This one might be more life than death.

Maybe none of these applied to you.  I am sorry to ramble on about my own applications here.  But feel free to die to yourself and read it anyway.  ;)